Meet "Diji" - 17 Years Old
|My oldest son "Diji" when he was 11 years old. This was|
taken about a year before his downward spiral began.
Meet "Doodle Bug" - 14 Years Old
|"Doodle Bug" holding his baby brother. He was about|
9 years old when this picture was taken.
After the move, he came home to our new place and told me he wasn't moving in with us. Instead he would be living with friends, and that I should "feel free" to give him a call after the baby was born. That night I went into labor, and although he was there, he refused to take me to the hospital. I called his mother and she took me to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital, my son was already crowning, and he ended up being born in the ER. It was both one of the worst and one of the best nights of my life.
My "Doodle" came home from the hospital on Valentine's Day, Feb. 14th, 1998. I had just given birth to a beautiful boy, and I had my oldest son who was 2 at the time. I was very happy to have them, but was devastated by what had happened between their dad and I. I was completely broke, living by myself with 2 babies, no job, no furniture, no food, and felt completely hopeless. Somehow, with the help of his mother, I got myself and my boys on State Assistance. Four months later I was back to working a full time job, off of assistance, and supporting my family all on my own.
Given the amount of stress at that time of my life, I feel as though I missed out on so much of "Doodle's" baby days. Even so, he was such a mamma's boy. From the very beginning, I knew he was going to be very laid back. He was quiet, but very silly and funny. He was also very active and showed signs of being very athletic from a very early age. He walked by 9 months and never stopped moving.
As he got older I realized that unlike my oldest, who is very talkative, outspoken and not afraid to say what is on his mind, "Doodle" was different. He never cried, never complained, and never told me when he was sad. I remember that as a little guy, whenever he got upset, he would run to his room and cry by himself. There were so many times that I found him up there, and he never really told me what was wrong. He has always dealt with his feelings by bottling them up and never speaking about them.
My second born, just like my first born, also had to endure far more than my other children. Their father and I made a ton of mistakes, and had terrible judgement. "Doodle" too saw far more than any child should have, and given his quiet introverted nature, things were even tougher for him, although he never complained or even talked about it.
Today he is still very quiet and reserved about feelings. He is funny, loving, patient and caring, but he too is plagued by the terrible things that happened to him and his brother. (This is the topic that I will be discussing at a later time). He also is undergoing counseling and is doing well. He is an B student, and is entering high school this year. As an adult, I see him growing up to be a wonderful father and husband, based on his kind heart and the love he shows his little brother and sister's.
Meet "Desibelle" - 12 Years Old
|"Desibelle" feeding her baby brother. She was almost 7 years|
old when this picture was taken. She became a big sister for
the first time and was so proud of her new baby brother.
She was a wonderful baby. She was always happy and willing to just go with the flow. She crawled late, walked late, and pretty much took her time with all her milestones. She was a cuddle bug from the beginning and was so content no matter where you put her. She was such a blessing.
My "Desibelle" had it much easier than my older two boys. She came into the world during a time where things were better than they had ever been. Financially we were doing well, and "Ex" and I had developed some maturity by the time she came along. As a mom, I was more focused on my kiddos and more aware of the things they should not be around. "Ex" still struggled with the responsibility of having the kids and I, but for the most part he was there and was providing for them. Still, the primary parenting responsibility, fell on me, which I was okay with.
As a 12 year old girl, my daughter has still not hit the "tween" faze. She is still very much a little girl and very loving and sweet. She looks at her teenage brothers and gets disgusted by how miserable they are, and tells me she will never be like them when she is a teenager. We shall see!!! : ) She is very maternal and loving with her baby brother and sister and loves spending time with them. So much, in fact, that at 12 years old, she is begging for us to let her share a room with both of them. She is indeed a true blessing from god.
Meet "Bugsy" - 5 Years Old
|"Bugsy", when he was 9 months old.|
"Bugsy" suffered from a lot of Gastro-Intestinal problems as an infant so he was quite colicky. He was actually quite miserable most of the time for about the first 4 months of his life. Shortly after the colic went away, the chronic ear infections started. Taking care of a colicky, sick baby puts quite a strain on any parent. I was exhausted and feeling quite depressed after he was born. The high of having a new baby and buying our first home quickly faded, shortly after we moved. It was followed by a deep sadness that I just couldn't shake. I didn't know what I was sad about, I just knew that I was. With the sadness came long periods of anxiety that would last hours. I felt like I was trapped and the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Looking back I'm fairly certain that I was suffering from Post Partum Depression, but while you are in that depressed state, you just don't see it. Around this time "Ex" began to revert back to his old habits. I think that my mental state probably had a lot to do with his desire to be away from the house. I don't think he understood, or knew what was going on with me, but with my increased anxiety and sadness, his response was to run away. So there I was, alone with my 4 kids, a sick baby, and depressed. It was a very low point in my life.
About 9 months after "Bugsy" was born, I found out that "Ex" was cheating on me. I was absolutely devastated. This was the beginning of the end for "Ex" and I. I ended up forgiving him, and warned him that I would not be so forgiving next time. About a year later I discovered that he was cheating on me again. Right around "Bugsy's" 2nd Birthday, "Ex" and I were over for good.
At 5 years old, "Bugsy" has no memory of his parent's ever living together. Given his young age at the time of the split, he was not affected at all. He is very sweet, and definitely a mamma's boy. He is funny, witty and so smart. He is a very active little boy, and requires a lot of structured activities to keep him out of trouble! : )
Meet "Lilly Pie" - 1 Year Old
|"Lilly Pie" on her first Easter. She was|
6 months old.
It wasn't long before we decided to add to our family. Initially the pregnancy caught us by surprise, but we were ready and excited. During the entire pregnancy, "Daddy" took care of the cooking, the cleaning, the groceries...just about everything. I had some medical issues and had to spend most of the pregnancy on bed rest, and I was actually able to spend that time taking care of me and my baby because the man I loved, was taking care of everything else. I am so blessed to have found this man.
Two days after my due date, my water broke. We knew our baby was on it's way so we quickly got ready and headed to the hospital. "Daddy" was so loving and supportive throughout, only taking his attention off me, when he saw his baby girl for the first time. He was so in love, I could see it all over his face. Our sweet girl came into the world with two loving parents who are willing to sacrifice anything, including themselves for her. This is something that I regret that my other children didn't have.
Since her birth "Lilly Pie" has amazed us with her brilliance. She learned to crawl at 4 months, learned to stand at 5 months and was walking by 8 and a half months. She started talking at about 13 months, and although not yet talking in complete sentences, she is very close. She is very active and into everything. She adores her siblings, her mom and most of all her "Daddy".