Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Children Do Not Belong In The Middle!!!

The past few weeks have been pretty tough for the entire family.  About 3 weeks ago, after 3 years of getting a measly $450 a month in child support for 4 kids, I decided to take "Ex" to domestic relations.  After hearing about this, "Ex" then made it his life's mission to make my life as complicated as possible.  He stopped paying support all together, and then turned around and filed for shared custody of the kids...a complete 50/50 split.  He's always warned that if I took him to court, this is the step he would take so he wouldn't have to pay anything.  He even explained to the children, that by he and I sharing 50/50 custody, I would then have to pay him support, since I make more than he does.  Let's just say, I have not been a very happy camper.

Being a parent is a very complicated role.  Kids do not come with instructions, and every kid and circumstance is different.  The one thing that I have learned through my 17 years being a mom is that I don't have all the answers, and that I will make mistakes.  However, as long as I keep my children's best interest in mind, things will always work themselves out. I have never let my feelings for "Ex" interfere with the decisions regarding my children.  Even with knowing the kind of man he is, because my kids love him and want to spend time with him, I have NEVER denied him access to his kids.  Every time he does something stupid and gets into arguments with my boys, I have worked relentlessly to bring my boys and he back to the table so they can talk it out.  I have always, regardless of what has transpired between he and I, encouraged my kids to continue their relationship with their father.  If not for me, he would likely not even have a relationship with the older kids.

Even so, now that we are headed to court, he has made it his personal mission to speak to the kids about court.  He's told them that I am trying to get him sent to jail, that this is all my fault and I started this, I'm a snitch for going to court to seek additional support, and basically he is the victim and I'm just taking advantage of the system and of him.  Worst part is, that since I have not talked to my children regarding the specifics of why and how we got to this point, they believe him and are angry with me.  As of this weekend, I had to sit my oldest 2 down and explain to them that what is happening between me and their dad is not something they should be involved with.  This isn't their burden to carry and it is not their place to be in the middle.  Quite sternly I reminded them that they are only hearing what their father is telling them and that there is more to the story then what they know, and will not know, because they are kids and I will not drag them into the middle by discussing details.  I reminded them how much I love them, and that they needed to trust that I have always looked out for their best interests, and will continue to do so throughout this process. At the beginning of the conversation things were very tense.  By the time the conversation ended, the atmosphere was much more relaxed.

I am so angry that he is manipulating my kids.  I'm so angry that as usual he is not thinking about them.  He's always been selfish but I am honestly shocked by the lengths he will go to, to make life difficult for me at the expense of his kids.  He even had my 14 year old serve me, with the custody hearing order.  Per the law in our state/county he either needs to serve me via certified mail, or have the sheriff and/or process server do the serving.  By having my son serve me, he didn't follow this protocol, so my attorney has advised me that I have not been officially served.  Even so, I am so angry that even when it comes to serving me...he had my son do it.  How can a biological parent not feel bad placing their child in the middle of something like this.  This man is obviously so out of touch with what being a parent is.  Let's just say I will fight this custody arrangement with everything I got.  My children may not understand right now, but how can they?  They are kids, and they just want both of their parents.  They love us both.  It is up to me however, to protect them and do what is best for them.  Especially since their father, is obviously so out of touch with what is best for them.

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